RtB 1: Something Worth Fighting For
by Erika
Summary: QuiGon and ObiWan have a muchneeded discussion after the events in JA8


Something Worth Fighting For

Hi to anyone who reads this! *Erika waves*I just wanted to say that I hope you enjoy my story!!!!It's the first in a series and I'll put the other stories up just as soon as I have time!Thanks for reading!

**__**

**_Title_**: Something Worth Fighting For

**_Author_**: Erika

**_Series_**: Rebuilding the Bond (#1)

**_Rating_**: PG

**_Summary_**: Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan have a much-needed discussion after the events in JA8.

**_Time Frame_**: Just after JA8, Jude Watson skipped all of the good stuff!

**_Spoilers_**: For all of the JA books and *major* spoilers for JA books 5, 6, 7, and 8.

**_Category_**: Angst, POV, H/C

**_Disclaimers_**: The Star Wars universe and all of its characters belong to George Lucas, I'm only borrowing them to have a little fun and I promise to return them unharmed (well, at least mostly unharmed). I'm making no money off of this and this is written for entertainment purposes only.

**_Feedback_**: Yes, please! This is my first FIC and if nobody says anything I'll have to assume no one liked it and never get up the courage to post again. ([firedrake88@yahoo.com][1])

**_Archive_**: Jedi Apprentice, Early Years, and anyone else who wants it, just please tell me so that I know where it is.

**_Special Thanks To_**: Everyone who responded to my e-mail about Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan's eyes, and to Adi-Ser who was nice enough (and patient enough) to beta for me.

Something Worth Fighting For

(Part One)

**Obi-Wan:**

In the confusion, I did not see Cerasi until she ran in-between the two groups of fighting people shouting, "No, this cannot happen!"

As soon as I saw her, a feeling of deep agony and despair filled me, as if I sensed what was to come and knew it was inevitable.

"Cerasi!" I screamed as I ran toward her, hoping to prevent what I knew in my heart was going to happen. Shots sounded loudly, but I could not place them. All that mattered was Cerasi; all that mattered was getting to her in time. 

In horror I saw the blaster fire hit Cerasi square in the chest. Cerasi sank to her knees without crying out, but I could see the confusion in her glazed eyes. I reached Cerasi just in time to catch her before she fell back unto the cold, hard ground. I held Cerasi in my lap, willing her to live, denying that this could be happening, denying that I would lose her.

"Cerasi," I said, my own voice sounded hoarse and agonized. "You'll be okay," I said, even as I knew, and denied, that it wasn't true. "Can you hear me?" I cried, "You don't need luck. Cerasi!"

I held up my palm and Cerasi reached up with her hand but it fell back again. Cerasi, my dear, doomed, friend, held my eyes in her beautiful green gaze for one last moment before they unfocused and then slid shut.

"No!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, "No!"

"Obi-Wan!" someone said, but I couldn't look up. 

I checked for Cerasi's pulse frantically, but found nothing. 

"Obi-Wan," I heard again, but didn't care.

All that was left of my world had just died. Tears streamed down my face. I clutched Cerasi's limp body close and huddled against her, rocking her back and forth.

"Obi-Wan!"

Tears turned into loud sobs and I began to shake uncontrollably, agony and the pain of loss filling my heart until I thought it would break.

"Obi-Wan, can you hear me?"

I rocked Cerasi back and forth, gently stroking her sweat-matted hair. 

"Obi-Wan!"

I sat up with a start. My heart was pounding and tears fell from my eyes. My hair was damp with sweat and I could barely catch my breath. I looked around me. I was in a bed, it was dark… Suddenly it all came back to me. I was on a ship bound from Telos to Coruscant, with Qui-Gon. 

My eyes fell on Qui-Gon, sitting on the side of my bed. He looked down at me, concern evident in his eyes. I started when I felt a gentle hand squeeze my shoulder, and was suddenly all too aware of what had happened. I had had a dream about Cerasi and woke Qui-Gon up with my screaming.

Cerasi… At the thought of my friend my tears fell faster and clouded my vision. I began to tremble, and then shake. Cerasi was dead… She was gone… I hadn't been able to save her… She was dead… Dead…

Qui-Gon grabbed both of my shoulders in his hands, gently massaging me, soothing me. He didn't speak; simply let me know that he was there. One of his hands dropped from my shoulder and was pressed against my heart, gently rubbing my chest in a circular pattern. 

Slowly I stopped shaking and my tears cleared enough for me to see Qui-Gon again. Even in the dim light his blue eyes shown brightly, finding mine and holding them with the intensity of his worried gaze.

Embarrassment colored my face and I was thankful for the concealing darkness that surrounded us. I quickly wiped the tears from my face. "Master…" I winced as I heard my voice break and cleared my throat.

"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said before I could continue, "Are you alright?"

I nodded, "I'm sorry that I woke you Master, I just had a dream about…" I tried to say Cerasi's name but the word just wouldn't form as much as I tried. I looked down, not willing to see the disappointment in Qui-Gon's eyes. A Jedi was supposed to control his emotions, not let them dominate him in the middle of the night.

"I know, you screamed her name several times," Qui-Gon said gently, no touch of disappointment in his voice, "are you sure you're alright?" As he spoke Qui-Gon moved his hand from my shoulder to my cheek, gently caressing the damp skin.

I was taken aback. I wasn't used to Qui-Gon showing he cared for me. The occasional hand on the shoulder yes, but not this. I could feel something in his fingers as they touched me, concern and compassion and even…caring. This wasn't the Qui-Gon I knew. Was my Master actually opening up to me, even after what I had done to him on Melida/Daan?

"I'll be fine, Master," I said, "thank you. I'm sorry."

My Master shook his head, "It's alright, Obi-Wan," he paused, "do you want to talk about it? I'm here if you do, I'll listen, if that's what you need."

Again, I was surprised. It was as if Qui-Gon had forgotten about what I had done, forgotten about Xanatos… "I…relived…Cerasi's death," I said, my voice filled with unspoken agony.

Qui-Gon nodded, accepting that I didn't want to describe my dream further. "Obi-Wan," he said softly, still gently rubbing my chest, "do not be ashamed," he stroked my cheek again, "of expressing your emotions, it is not a weakness. Grieving is only natural, especially since she meant so much to you. I know it's hard to lose a friend, Padawan, I know what it feels like. You must not remember Cerasi for the way she died, but for the way she lived. She would not want her death to destroy you. She would be happy knowing that you helped to bring peace to her planet, and that you are back where you belong now." 

I looked down at my hands; not wanting Qui-Gon to see the newly forming tears in my eyes. "When…when will this feeling stop, Master?" I asked, made bold by Qui-Gon's show of affection towards me. "When will this empty feeling inside my heart disappear?"

Qui-Gon took my chin in his hand and tilted my head up until I was looking at him, then, with his other hand he took one of my hands and held it in his own. "I'm sorry, Obi-Wan, I know this is hard. You will always miss Cerasi, and she will always hold a place in your heart. Your grief is consuming you right now, and I know it's hard to believe, but day-by-day your pain will lessen and one morning you will wake up and find that although you still miss her, the hurt in your heart isn't as bad anymore. The first thing you have to do is accept that her death wasn't your fault. You did everything you could."

"I know that, Master," I said, hesitantly squeezing his hand, "but I think it will take some time before my heart realizes it. Even though I know it wasn't my fault, I still feel guilty."

Qui-Gon squeezed my hand back, "That shows that you loved her."

"She was a good friend," I said, reaching up with my free hand to wipe more tears from my face.

"It is hard to accept, but it was her time to die. Take comfort in the fact that she is not gone, and that one day you will be reunited in the Force."

"I…I miss her, Master," I said brokenly, wishing I could look down from his face but his firm hand on my chin prevented me from doing so.

"I know you do," he said gently. "There are so many variables, Obi-Wan, so many things that happen every second of our lives that decide the future. It was Cerasi's time to go. Death is cruel to those who are still living. There appears to be no rhyme or reason to it, no way to explain why it chooses to take people when it does, and it seems unfair to us, but you must believe that there is always a reason. Not just for death, but for everything that happens in life."

"You have to believe it too, Master," I said softly.

Qui-Gon fell silent for a few minutes, his eyes dark with memories of the past.

"I'm sorry, Master," I said immediately, I hadn't meant to make him remember things he didn't want to. "I shouldn't have said that."

Qui-Gon shook his head, "No, Obi-Wan, it is alright," he said softly, "you are right. We both have many things to accept so that we can move on with our lives, move on with our bond. I have to accept that Xanatos turned because of the things he did, and that it wasn't my fault. That it wasn't because I taught him badly, or anything I did. And you, Padawan, have to accept Cerasi's death. I will help you, if you want me to. Talking about what sorrows us is the best way to let go of it and move on. I am willing to listen, whenever you are ready."

More tears fell from my eyes at Qui-Gon's softly spoken words; I couldn't believe that this was the same man that had seemed so cold to me before. I smiled slightly when Qui-Gon released my chin and gently wiped the tears from my eyes with his thumb. "Thank you Master, I…will come talk to you, but not now. I feel the need to remember right now, not speak."

My Master nodded, "When you are ready, you will come to me?"

"Yes, my Master," I said.

Qui-Gon smiled, and I blushed.

"Remember her for who she was, Padawan, not for the way she died," he said softly, after a few moments of silence.

I nodded, "Thank you." After a few minutes of silence I spoke again, "I wish I could be sure, about so many things. All I know right now is that I am where I should be, at your side."

"Yes, Obi-Wan, and I am here to guide you, never forget that."

Unable to think of anything else to say I responded, "Cerasi would be glad."

"I believe she would be." Qui-Gon said gently. "It's about four in the morning right now," he said, "we can still get another four hours of sleep before we land on Coruscant, if you think you are ready to go back to bed."

Qui-Gon was being so kind to me, so gentle. I had never seen this side of him before. I had wanted to be close to him, wanted it so badly, but given up on the hope that it could ever happen. Was it possible that our bond would be stronger, even after I had broken it? I sighed mentally, I had to talk to Qui-Gon about what I had done, I had to apologize. I didn't regret helping Melida/Daan come to peace, but I would forever regret what I had said and done to Qui-Gon.

"Master," I said softly, "I need to talk to you."

Qui-Gon nodded, "Yes, Obi-Wan, there is much that needs to be said between us, much that needs to be set right. Once we return to the Temple, we will speak. I will help you meditate on what happened on Melida/Daan, and especially about Cerasi. Together, we will work through this. Don't worry, Obi-Wan, the Council will come to understand the reasons you stayed behind."

I nodded, "Thank you, Master."

A comfortable silence filled the room, "Are you ready to go back to sleep?" Qui-Gon asked after a few moments.

I nodded, "Yes Master. I'm sorry that I woke you."

"It is not a weakness to feel sorrow, Padawan."

I nodded, "Goodnight, Master, and thank you."

"You're welcome, Padawan. Goodnight."

**Qui-Gon:**

Unbeknownst to my apprentice I stayed up to watch him as he slept, making sure he was plagued by no more nightmares. It amazed me, shocked me, that I cared for this boy so much, and that I had done him so much wrong. What happened on Melida/Daan not included, I had been cold to him, refused to let him inside my heart, and I had been *waiting* for him to betray me. It was as much my fault as Obi-Wan's that he stayed behind on Melida/Daan. If I had been a better master Obi-Wan would have been more motivated to stay, if he had thought I cared, he might have been less quick to join the Young. 

Our relationship had been broken, but I now knew that it would be stronger for the breaking. I had to change my ways, be more compassionate and understanding with the boy. I had to be a better master if this was to work. I couldn't expect him to be loyal to me if I didn't earn his respect. 

It stung that Obi-Wan had been surprised by the way I had reacted to his nightmare, but if I was prepared to make this apprenticeship work I had to be more understanding, more open. I had to show Obi-Wan that I trusted him. It wouldn't be easy, the memory of Xanatos still haunted me, but I would open myself up to him. I would talk to him, at the Temple, tell him that it was my fault, not his, that I didn't trust him in the beginning, and tell him that I would try my best to be open with him, to stop comparing him to Xanatos, but that he would have to be patient with me as I learned to trust and open myself again. I would make him understand that what happened on Melida/Daan was both our faults, not just his, and that I realized that now. I had to tell him so many things.

My eyes fell to the boy that now lay sleeping soundly in his bed, the boy that meant so much to me, the boy that I had hurt with my rejections and failure to move past Xanatos, the boy that I knew would soon become the most important person in my life. I had done him wrong, but I would change my ways. I had to. Destiny was working between us and I had to be ready for the future.

(Part Two)

**Obi-Wan:**

****

As soon as we arrived at the Temple the Council called Qui-Gon in to see them so that he could give his report about what had happened on Telos. My Master had apologized to me for having to leave me so quickly, and asked if I would wait for him in his quarters. He said that he didn't expect the meeting would last more than two hours, and that if I wasn't in his room he would look for me in my own quarters. Before leaving for the Council Chambers he had told me that no matter what happened with the Council, and no matter how long it took them to take me off of probation, I would still be his Padawan. Then he had left, before I could answer.

Within five minutes after he left, I found myself sitting in his bedroom, looking around at his things. The room didn't have much in it, just a bed, a dresser, a closet, and a bookcase filled with books. I looked through his books to see if there was anything that interested me, so that I could read while he was gone, but my eyes kept on drifting from the books to the dresser at the right of my Master's bed. 

I knew that it was wrong, but felt compelled to do it anyway. I approached the dresser and opened the first drawer. I was not surprised that it didn't contain clothes, but papers. I closed the drawer, sensing that I was meant to find something in the dresser, but not in this particular drawer. Instinctively I opened the bottom drawer of the dresser. As with the first one, this was filled with papers as well.

I carefully took the papers out of the drawers and found that there was wooden box underneath them. I opened the box and found that there were more papers inside. I picked up the first paper in the box and looked at it to see what it was.

The paper, I was surprised to find, was my Master's birth certificate. I scanned the information on the sheet and was surprised to see that my Master's birthday was in little less than a week.

I took the paper and set it inside my tunic, then I put everything back into the drawer exactly the way I had found it so that Qui-Gon wouldn't know I had been looking through his things.

I knew I should feel guilty for invading my Master's privacy, but strangely I didn't; instead I felt that I was meant to find his birth certificate. I didn't know why, but suspected that it was because Qui-Gon wouldn't tell me about his birthday and it would be the only way I'd ever find out.

I sat down on my Master's bed and contemplated what I was going to say to him. I had to apologize for what had happened on Melida/Daan, but how? What was I supposed to say? 'Sorry that I betrayed you and I promise not to do it again'? Simple words seemed inadequate. I wanted him to understand that I hadn't meant to hurt him, and that I hadn't joined the Young to betray him, but because I truly believed in their cause. Qui-Gon said he understood why I stayed behind, but he deserved to hear it from my own lips anyway.

I stood and left Qui-Gon's quarters. I needed to think. 

When I was four years old I had found a small mediations garden that hardly anyone ever used anymore. Ever since the first time I saw it I often returned to it when I was troubled or sad and needed to think. I hadn't even told Bant about it, and was confidant that no one would be there now.

I few minutes later I entered the garden and was relieved to see that I had been right, and it was indeed empty.

I looked around the garden. It was good to know that some things never changed. It was exactly as I remembered it, with the small Merelia tree growing in the center of the garden, and the hundreds of different flowers, from different planets, surrounding it. When I was little I had once imagined that the tree was the mother, and the flowers were her little children that she protected from the world with her beautiful, thick, branches.

I walked through the array of flowers and sat down with my back against the Merelia tree. I had once asked one of the Masters that cared for the garden how many different types of flowers were in it, and he had replied that there were over two hundred. The flowers were beautiful, all of different colors and with different shaped petals. My favorites were the blue flowers, but I also liked all of the others. For whatever color you could imagine, there was a flower in this garden that represented it.

The Merelia tree was also very beautiful. It had a dark brown, red, trunk, and silvery, green leaves. The leaves were very small and grew in the shape of butterflies; in fact, they looked so much like butterflies that when you looked up at the tree, you could almost imagine being under a swarm of butterflies. 

I leaned back against the tree in closed my eyes. No other place in the Temple had ever been able to fill me with such a sense of peace and tranquility. When I was little I would come here, and for a little while I would be able to think that there was nothing wrong in the universe. This time, however, not even this garden could make me forget what weighed down so heavily on my mind.

I didn't know how to apologize to Qui-Gon, didn't have a clue how to start. I didn't want it to sound like I was trying to make excuses for what I had done, and I didn't want it to sound rehearsed. I just wanted it to sound true. I had to tell him the truth, tell him exactly what I felt, but I was…scared. I was scared of how he would react. Scared that he would withdraw into himself, afraid that I would hurt him like Xanatos had. He had every right to fear betrayal, after I had stayed on Melida/Daan, and even drawn my lightsaber against him.

I sighed loudly. 

I wanted so badly to be close to Qui-Gon, to be friends with him. To be more than Master and Padawan. I knew it wouldn't be easy. Qui-Gon had been hurt in the past, badly, and I knew it would take a long time for him to realize that I wasn't Xanatos, and to be able to trust as completely as I trusted him. I wanted to help him overcome his past, but I knew that everything had to start with an apology from me, and that was the one thing I didn't know *how* to start. Every time I tried to think of what to say, words failed me. I had never found it so hard to say I was sorry before.

I felt a gentle hand rest on my shoulder and give it a soft squeeze. I opened my eyes to see who was there and found myself facing my Master. "Yoda said I would find you here. He told me that you've come here every time you need to think since the day you found it when you were four years old," Qui-Gon spoke gently, his crystal blue eyes locking onto mine.

"Master…" I tried to speak but my voice dwindled into silence. "Master," I tried again, "I'm sorry that I left your quarters, but I needed some time to think. This place has always…calmed me."

Qui-Gon nodded, "I understand. I'm sorry, it took me longer than I expected." My Master paused before continuing, "You said last night that you wanted to talk with me?"

"Yes, Master…" I said, focusing my eyes on the ground. Qui-Gon had an eloquent way with words, and I couldn't even figure out how to start. I swallowed. "Yes, I do…but… I don't even know where to start."

I looked up for a second and Qui-Gon looked back at me, "Then let me start. I want to speak with you as well."

I let my eyes drop and waited for my Master to speak.

"Obi-Wan," he said.

I didn't answer, expecting him to continue, but he didn't.

"Obi-Wan," he said again.

"Yes, Master?" I answered.

Qui-Gon gently took my chin and raised my head until I was looking directly into his eyes, "Please, look at me, I want to see you eyes. I have something important to tell you."

"Yes, Master."

He released my chin, and as requested, I did not lower my gaze again.

"Padawan…Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon began, "I owe you an apology."

I continued to look at him, confused. For what did he need to apologize?

"When we first met, I refused to take you as my Padawan, and continued to do so until you risked your life for me on Bandomeer. I know that those rejections hurt you, and I want to tell you that it wasn't your fault. I didn't take you as my Padawan because of anything you did, but because of what another did, because of what Xanatos did, and because of my own fears. I was afraid to let anyone into my heart again. Afraid that if I cared for someone they would hurt me, as Xanatos did."

My heart froze; I had done to Qui-Gon exactly what he had feared that I would do. He had trusted me, and I had betrayed him. How would I ever apologize for what I had done to him?

"So I refused to take you as my Padawan," he continued softly, "I couldn't see what you saw, couldn't see that we are meant to be together. But finally, after almost losing you to Xanatos, I did take you as my Padawan. But even then I didn't treat you as you deserve to be treated. I was cold towards you, I shut you out, refused to open my heart to you." Qui-Gon paused and took a deep breath, "I was waiting for you to betray me, expected you to betray me."

I stared at Qui-Gon, shocked and aghast. He had expected me to betray him from the very beginning. Even when he said he trusted him, he had been waiting for me to betray him. He had expected me to do it, and I had. I had betrayed him, on Melida/Daan. A wave of guilt and remorse washed through me. How could I have done this to the man I cared for and respected so much? "Master…" I said quickly, "I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you."

Qui-Gon smiled at me then, "Hush, Obi-Wan. I didn't say that to make you feel guilty. Please, let me finish." He reached out and gently pressed his fingertips to my cheek. "I expected you to betray me," he repeated, "and therefore shut myself out from you. That was a mistake. I was being foolish and selfish. I was being a bad Master to you, and for that I am sorry."

Of all the things I had expected my Master would tell me, that was the last one. How could he think that he had been a bad Master when *I* was the one who had betrayed him? Qui-Gon had been afraid to trust me from the very beginning and I had proven his fears to be correct. Why was he apologizing? I shook my head, "No Master, you were a good Master. It was my fault that…"

"Obi-Wan, please, I need to tell you this, please listen to me. Yes, I was a bad Master to you, and I regret that. I was convinced that if I let you in, you would hurt me. But that didn't stop me from caring for you, that didn't stop you from worming your way into my heart. When you…when I thought you had lost your memory on Phindar, I was devastated. I thought I would never see my Padawan again, the boy who was so eager to learn and so quick and intelligent. I mediated for over an hour before I was able to compose myself enough to try and rescue you. Every time I thought you were in trouble, I was surprised as to how much I worried, and how much I cared. But even still, I wouldn't let you in." My Master fell silent for a few minutes, whether to compose his own thoughts, or give me time to collect mine, I didn't know.

I looked deeply into my Master's eyes and was surprised at the sincerity and care that shown through them. I couldn't believe that this was happening, that Qui-Gon was telling me all of this. I had always known that my Master was afraid I would betray him like Xanatos had, but I never thought he would open up and tell me that. I thought I was the one that needed to apologize, but here was my Master, apologizing to me.

"And then," Qui-Gon said, interrupting my thoughts, "we went to Melida/Daan, and you stayed behind and I feared that everything I had thought was true. I let myself be hurt by what happened, but it wasn't your fault. It was Xanatos' fault, and my own fault. I should have moved on from Xanatos years ago, but I never did, and I let what happened with him affect my behavior with you. I thought you had betrayed me on Melida/Daan, but I know that you didn't. When you called me back to Melida/Daan, I was harsh with you, angry, and I want to apologize for that also. You didn't deserve that. What happened between us on that planet wasn't just your fault, it was my fault also. If I had been more open with you, if I had been a better Master, then perhaps you wouldn't have been so quick to stay. And, if I hadn't been so caught up with my own shame and pain, I would have understood that you didn't betray me when you stayed behind. You stayed behind because you found something you believed in, because you're a boy who will fight and die for a noble cause." 

Qui-Gon fell silent for a few minutes before continuing. 

I wanted to protest, to deny that what happened on Melida/Daan could in anyway be his fault, but he had asked me let him speak, and I would have to wait. 

"What you did on Melida/Daan was wrong, you shouldn't have stayed behind. Our mission was to rescue Tahl, and our presence hadn't been requested yet on that planet. However, the way I acted was more wrong. As a Master it was my duty to help you through your mixed emotions, but I didn't. I tried, or at least I told myself I did, but I didn't. I couldn't shut you out and not expect it to affect you. I know that I have hurt you because of the way I have acted, and I'm sorry. I hope that you can forgive me and give me another chance," Qui-Gon finished heavily. His voice was quiet and steady but I sensed that telling me all of this had been hard for my Master, and that he was even anxious as to how I would respond.

I remembered back to all the times when Qui-Gon had rejected me as his Padawan, and realized that even though I had tried not to take it personally, it had hurt. I had wanted him to be my Master so much that his rejections had hurt me, as much as I had tried to not let them. I understood now, though, that Qui-Gon had been hurt in the past, and I had to be patient with him. I had to teach him to trust again. 

I had always thought my Master to be cold and uncaring, even though I realized that his behavior was the direct result of Xanatos' betrayal, he had always seemed overly distant, with a detached way of caring for me. Now, though, I knew that wasn't true. Qui-Gon had cared for me, even though he was cold and unemotional towards me, he had truly cared for my welfare. Then we had been sent to Melida/Daan and without meaning to, I had hurt him. Now, I had to do whatever it took to show him that he could trust me without fear, and that I would never betray him again. 

I stared at my Master silently for a few minutes before finding my voice, "Master," I said, "I never blamed you for what happened on Melida/Daan. It was my fault. I've been meaning to tell you this for a long time now, and I ask you to listen to me before you say anything."

Qui-Gon silenced his protest and nodded.

"It was my fault," I repeated, "I have to be honest with you, Master. I don't regret helping the Young bring peace to their planet. What I do regret, and will always regret, it what I did to you. I know that Xanatos hurt you, and I know that that is why you've been afraid of our relationship. I never should have said the things I said to you. I never wanted to hurt you, Master, but I know I did. I never meant to become another Xanatos in your life, but I know I did that as well." I paused to gauge my Master's reaction but Qui-Gon's face was as unreadable as ever and I had no idea what he was feeling. 

"All I wanted was to help Cerasi and Nield." I continued, "All I wanted was to bring peace to that planet. I didn't consider the consequences of my actions, I didn't think about what they would do to you. I'm sorry, Master. I never meant to hurt you. I understand that you've been hurt in the past, and I'm prepared to be patient with you. I want to help you; I want to help you to trust again. I want…" I stopped; suddenly scared to say anymore for fear that Qui-Gon would remember Xanatos too much, or think I was out of line.

I looked into Qui-Gon's eyes, and found only support and patience staring back at me from those bright blue depths. "I want to be close to you, I want to be friends with you. I respect you so much. I…I want to help you heal from what Xanatos did." I looked down at my hands, ashamed at what I had just said. "Master," I continued without looking up, "we have both done wrong in this relationship, you fear that you have not been a good Master, and I have betrayed your trust, but I want to move on from that. Please, forgive me for what I did, I never meant to hurt you. Please, let me in, and let me help you." I fell silent and waited for Qui-Gon's reply.

Finally, after what seemed an eternity, Qui-Gon spoke. "Look at me, Padawan, and listen to me carefully."

Reluctantly, I looked up at my Master again.

"I know that you didn't want to hurt me, and the only reason you did was because of my own fear, and my own past, and I forgive you for what you did. I understand now. You don't have to apologize. I…want to put this behind us too. Please, Obi-Wan, I have not been a good Master to you, but from now on I promise that I will change. I won't shut you out anymore."

"I know, Master, and I forgive you. I know that it wasn't your fault either. You trusted Xanatos, and he hurt you. And because of that you've been afraid to trust again, but I'm not Xanatos, and I will never purposefully hurt you. I promise."

"I know that you are not Xanatos," Qui-Gon said, gently caressing my cheek, "you are everything that Xanatos never was."

I smiled and blushed slightly.

My Master rarely ever complemented me before Melida/Daan, and certainly not afterward. His softly spoken words made my heart soar and made me realize how desperately I had truly craved Qui-Gon's approval. When I returned to the Temple with Qui-Gon, after what happened on Melida/Daan, I had been certain that we were meant to be Master and Padawan, but now, for the first time since I had betrayed him, I knew that our relationship would not only recover from what had happened, but also come back stronger.

"We have something that is worth fighting for, Obi-Wan," he said softly.

"Yes," I said, "we do."

Qui-Gon extended his hand to me, "Will you trust me to guide you, Obi-Wan? It won't be easy, for we both have made mistakes, but we can heal our relationship if we try."

"Master," I said without hesitation, "I trust you with my life." I took his hand and held it tightly.

Qui-Gon smiled and pressed our joined hands against his chest, just over his heart.

I don't know how long we stayed like that, it could have been hours or minutes, but during the time when I was sitting there, holding his hand and looking into his eyes, I felt more sure of our destiny together than I had ever felt before. We would be more than Master and Padawan. We would be father and son, and that *was* something worth fighting for.

  


(Part Three)

**Qui-Gon:**

****

****I looked at the boy in front of me, chilled and awed by what he had said to me, by the power and sincerity of his desire to help me move on from Xanatos. How could I ever have shut this boy out of my heart? How could I ever have thought that he was anything like Xanatos? I couldn't have been more wrong in my assumptions about him. He was nothing like my first apprentice. He actually wanted to be close with me, not because I was a respected Jedi Master, but because he sincerely *wanted* to be my friend, wanted to help me heal.

I knew that in order to heal from Xanatos' betrayal I would have to open up to someone, tell someone the secrets of my loss and the depth of my despair at my apprentice's turning. For years I had closed myself off from everyone, even my closest friends, but now I knew that the time had come to open myself up again. It would take a while, I would have to spend more time with my Padawan, but I knew that someday he would be the one I would reveal my heart to, the one that would truly be able to heal my wounds.

I searched my Padawan's eyes for a few moments. The unconditional trust in them both humbled me, and scared me. Did I deserve this boy's trust? Could I ever really be a good Master to him? There was something else in the boy's eyes though, something that answered my questions. There was hope. Hope that what I had just told him was true, that our relationship really would heal from what had happened. I *had* to be a good Master to Obi-Wan; I couldn't shatter the hope that filled those all too expressive eyes.

I smiled slightly, suddenly remembering that I had a surprise for my Padawan.

"Come Obi-Wan," I said after a few minutes of holding his hand and looking into his blue-green eyes, "I want to show you something."

Obi-Wan eyes reflected confusion but he nodded, and together, we rose and left the garden.

"Where are we going, Master?" Obi-Wan asked as I lead him through the halls and corridors of the Temple.

I smiled, "You'll see when we get there."

Obi-Wan laughed. "That's a brilliant statement."

I smiled and continued to lead Obi-Wan to the section of the Temple that housed the Master-Padawan quarters. As if realizing our destination, my Padawan asked, "Are we going to visit someone?"

"Patience, Padawan," I said with a low chuckle.

We walked in companionable silence for a few more minutes before I steered my Padawan to the doors of our new quarters. "Go on in, Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan shot me a confused glance but slowly opened the door anyway. Looking at me one last time he entered our quarters and glanced around.

"Who lives here, Master?" He asked.

I smiled and followed him inside, "Why don't you look around and see?"

I stood and waited in the living room as Obi-Wan explored the rest of our quarters. I could feel his shock and amazement through the Force long before he called me to his room, "Master?"

I entered Obi-Wan's new room to find him sitting on his bed with an expression of confused joy on his face.

"Yes, Padawan?"

He looked around his room and gestured, "This looks exactly like my old room, when did you bring all of my things here?"

"I didn't, Tahl did. I now owe her a big favor, which she will no doubt happily collect at the most inconvenient of times, if she can arrange it. She also moved my things from my old room while we were in the garden. These are our new quarters, do you like them?"

Obi-Wan smiled, his eyes shown bright blue in his joy, "Yes, Master, of course I do. I…I was wondering if we'd get new quarters together."

"Well, now we have them," I said, hesitating momentarily I asked, "are you happy, Obi-Wan?"

Obi-Wan stood up and look me in the eye, "I would be happy if we were staying in the darkest dungeon in the universe as long as I was your Padawan and we were there together."

I smiled at the earnest sincerity in Obi-Wan's eyes, "Thank you, Padawan."

"No," he said, shaking his head, "thank you for doing this."

I laid my hand down on Obi-Wan's shoulder, "You're very welcome, my Padawan."

Obi-Wan smiled. "Ma…Master?" He asked hesitantly, sounding endearingly shy.

"Yes?"

"Master…what are you doing tonight?"

I frowned, "I was planning on going through some old things of mine, why?"

Obi-Wan hesitated again, his eyes turning gray in his uncertainty. "I…I was wondering if…maybe…we could spend some time together? We could have dinner…or talk, or whatever you want to do?" 

I looked down into my Padawan's pleading eyes, touched by the sincerity of his offer. I smiled, "Of course I would like to spend time with you tonight, Padawan. In fact, there is somewhere I would like to take you."

Obi-Wan's face broke into a grin and his eyes, which had been a sad gray only seconds before, turned into a bright blue/green color that made my smile turn into a grin as well. "Thank you, Master. Where do you want to take me?"

"Have you heard of the Macarvic Gardens, Padawan?"

"Of course I have," he said, nodding.

"Have you ever been there?"

He shook his head, "No, I haven't."

"Good. It's a couple hours away, but I think once we get there you'll be glad we went." I said.

Obi-Wan nodded, "I've always wanted to go there."

"Good, then why don't you get ready and we can leave now?"

If it was even possible, Obi-Wan's eyes brightened even further, "Really?"

"Yes," I said, laughing hard, "really."

The End

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